Pleasure Products for Bicurious Women: A Practical Guide
Let’s have a frank conversation about pleasure products.
Whether you’re exploring solo, with a partner, or with a girlfriend, the right toys can change your understanding of what your body can do. They can teach you what you respond to. They can help you communicate about pleasure with anyone you’re sharing a bed with.
For bicurious women specifically, toys come up in a few particular contexts: solo exploration of fantasies, partnered sex with a husband, and exploration with female partners. Each context has different considerations.
This is a practical, judgment-free guide to pleasure products — what works, what to skip, what to look for, and how to talk about them.
First: Why Toys Matter
The cultural framing of sex toys is often that they’re either embarrassing or replacement-for-real-sex. Both framings are wrong.
Toys are tools. They produce sensations human bodies alone can’t produce. They give you access to your own pleasure in ways that hands alone often can’t.
For women specifically, who often need very specific kinds of stimulation to reach orgasm, toys aren’t a luxury — they’re often the most direct path to the pleasure you’re actually capable of having.
If a hammer makes you better at building furniture, a vibrator makes you better at understanding your own body. The tool isn’t the embarrassing part. The embarrassment is.
The Beginner’s Toolkit
If you’re new to pleasure products, you don’t need a collection. You need a small, well-chosen set of basics.
1. A Bullet Vibrator
This is the most universal starter toy. Small, simple, focused. A good bullet has multiple intensity settings and isn’t intimidatingly powerful out of the box.
What to look for:
- Rechargeable (not battery-powered — they die at the worst times)
- Multiple intensity levels (not just on/off)
- Made from medical-grade silicone or ABS plastic
- Waterproof (more versatile, easier to clean)
- Quiet (matters more than you’d think)
2. A High-Quality Lubricant
Underrated. Lube is the difference between okay touch and incredible touch — even when you don’t think you need it.
Types:
- Water-based: Most versatile. Safe with all toys and condoms. Washes off easily. Can dry out faster.
- Silicone-based: Longer-lasting. Great for shower play. Don’t use with silicone toys (it can degrade them).
- Hybrid (water + silicone): A good middle ground for many uses.
Start with water-based. Add others as you figure out what you prefer.
3. That’s It (For Now)
Don’t buy more until you’ve learned what these do for you.
The mistake new buyers make is over-buying. They get five toys at once, get overwhelmed, and most of the toys sit in a drawer. Master one. Then add. Then master. Then add.
When You’re Ready to Expand
After a few months with the basics, you’ll know what you respond to. Here’s what to consider adding.
Wand Vibrators
The classic. Larger, more powerful, broader stimulation than a bullet. Wands are intense — some women love them, some find them too much.
Try one if you find that bullets aren’t intense enough. Look for one with variable speeds so you can build up.
Suction / Air-Pulse Toys
A relatively new category, often described as “the closest thing to oral sex.” They use suction and air pulses rather than vibration. Different sensation entirely.
Worth trying if you’re a fan of oral and want to recreate that feeling on your own or with a partner.
Internal / G-Spot Toys
If you’re interested in internal stimulation, these are worth exploring. Look for curved shape, smooth silicone, and a body-safe finish.
Many women find combo toys (internal + clitoral stimulation at once) the most satisfying. Rabbit-style vibrators are the most common version.
Strap-Ons (For Partnered Play)
If you’re exploring with women and ready for partnered penetration, strap-ons are an option. They come in many sizes and harness styles.
For first-timers: start smaller than you think you should. Get a harness with good adjustability. Try it out with your partner before any serious play to figure out logistics.
For Solo Exploration
If you’re using toys for solo exploration of your bicuriosity, here’s what tends to work well:
- A bullet for precise clitoral stimulation — lets you focus on small variations and figure out what you respond to
- An internal toy if you’re curious about internal stimulation — important to know your own response before partnered play
- Good lube — just trust us, more is more
- Time — the most valuable tool. Don’t rush. Don’t make orgasm the goal. Aim for information.
Use solo time to map your own body. What kind of pressure do you respond to? What rhythms? What positions? This is information you’ll use forever.
For Partnered Play With a Husband
Bringing toys into partnered sex can deepen what you and your partner do together — if it’s introduced with care.
How to Bring It Up
Don’t surprise your partner. Bring it up outside the bedroom first. Casual is better than serious.
“I’ve been thinking about trying some toys together. Would you be open to that?”
Common partner responses:
- Enthusiastic: Great. Pick something together.
- Nervous: Often about feeling “replaced.” Reassure them. Toys add to your shared sex life; they don’t subtract.
- Resistant: Worth understanding why. Sometimes it’s pride or insecurity. Talk it through.
Good Starter Toys for Couples
- A small, controllable bullet vibrator he can hold
- A vibrating cock ring (benefits both of you)
- A blindfold (cheap, intense, no learning curve)
- A simple massage candle for extended foreplay
Start low-stakes. Build from there.
For Exploration With Women
If you’re exploring with a female partner, toys often play a different role. Two women can do plenty without toys — but toys can add specific sensations that bodies can’t produce on their own.
What’s Commonly Used
- Shared vibrators — you can both use a single bullet on each other, taking turns
- Strap-ons if penetration is part of what you both want
- Dual vibrators designed for use between two bodies (the “we-vibe” style)
- Lube — essential, even more than with men
A Note on “What Lesbians Use”
There’s no universal answer. Some women in same-sex relationships use toys constantly. Some never use them. The same is true of straight couples.
Don’t assume you need anything specific because of who you’re with. Figure out what you and your partner actually want, and build the toolkit from there.
Materials and Safety
Not all toys are created equal. Body-safe materials matter.
Good Materials
- Medical-grade silicone: Safest, easiest to clean, most popular for body-safe toys
- ABS plastic: Safe, hard, easy to clean
- Stainless steel: Safe, can be heated or cooled for sensation play
- Borosilicate glass: Safe, beautiful, also good for temperature play
Materials to Avoid
- Jelly rubber: Often contains phthalates, hard to clean, porous
- PVC: Often contains phthalates
- “Skin-safe” without specifics: Vague language is a red flag
- Anything that smells strongly chemical: Trust your nose
If a toy is suspiciously cheap, it’s probably cheap material. Body-safe toys cost more for a reason.
Care and Cleaning
- Clean before and after every use. Warm water + mild, unscented soap.
- Toy cleaners exist if you want something specific, but soap and water works fine for most toys.
- Dry thoroughly before storing.
- Store in a clean, dry place — ideally with separate storage if you have multiple toys (silicone can react with silicone).
- Replace batteries if applicable. Recharge before storage if rechargeable.
- Check for damage periodically. Replace any toy that’s developed cracks, tears, or wear.
Where to Buy
Buy from reputable sex-positive retailers. Avoid Amazon for serious toys (fakes and counterfeits are common). Avoid mall stores (limited selection, often lower quality).
Look for:
- Sex-positive online retailers with curated selections
- Clear product descriptions including material
- Discreet shipping options
- Customer reviews (helpful for filtering)
- Return policies (some retailers don’t return for hygiene reasons; understand this in advance)
Our sister site Wicked Boutique carries lifestyle gear and apparel curated for women exploring their sexuality — worth a look for confidence pieces alongside any toys you’re considering.
Storing Toys Discreetly
If you share a home with kids, family, or anyone who shouldn’t be exploring your nightstand:
- Lockable storage — small lockboxes designed for this purpose exist
- Discreet pouches — many toys come with their own storage bags
- Closet organization — a small designated drawer in your closet
- Travel cases — most toys can fit in a regular toiletry case if needed
Don’t store toys somewhere kids might find them, even accidentally. That conversation is one you don’t need to have.
The Bottom Line
Pleasure products aren’t embarrassing, aren’t replacements for real intimacy, and aren’t only for certain kinds of women. They’re tools for understanding your own body and adding sensation to your sex life — solo or partnered.
For bicurious women specifically, they’re often the best way to learn what you respond to before partnered exploration. They’re also a low-stakes way to add new dimensions to a long-term relationship.
Start small. Buy quality. Take care of what you own. Use them with intention. And don’t apologize for owning them — they’re proof you take your own pleasure seriously.
Which is exactly the kind of confidence we wish more women had.
